Cancer is a fucked up beast. It will completely wreck a person. I remember my uncle from when I was little. He was a huge tall man. He would pick us up and sling us around only the way a giant can and a child can enjoy. My brother wanted to be Uncle W when he grew up. Cancer reduced him to a frail old man before he passed on yesterday. You know what else is fucked up? People driven by money and greed. Just yesterday I was looking at a billboard and saw the Powerball was at almost 200 million. I knew I wasn’t going to buy a ticket but I thought about what I’d do with the money. 2 million to each member of mine and E’s immediate family. I’d fix up my grandma’s house and my Aunt S’s house. I also thought about getting a nurse to help my Aunt D with my grandma and a nurse to care for my Uncle W. since his wife does nothing but spend his money and make him lose his house where my cousins grew up and the business he’s owned since before I was born.

I thought these thoughts probably at the same time my Uncle was dying in his wife’s car because she’d waited too long and never called the hospital, instead deciding to take him herself at the very last moments of his life.

My mom called and told me he’d passed while I was here at work. He’s been sick for so long, more than 4 years but it was still a shock. My brain immediately started telling me that it was ok to go get some bad food for lunch today, COME ON you’re uncle just died it’s ok. Instead I went walking. It’s nice outside now and I’ve been doing so good all week. As I was walking over the bridge I saw a Crystal Water *The company my uncle recently lost* cup and smiled thinking of Uncle W knowing I’d done the right thing.

We’re going to D.C. next month for the National Equality March and we’re gonna talk to our potential donor. I’m excited and a bit freaked out that I’ve got to ask this man for help for a baby.