Come Inside The Show's About To Start...

I've found in the past that writing in a blog or journal has helped me in my weight loss.

Right now I'm just hoping that when I go to the doctor tomorrow I'll still be at 230, which is where I was 4 months ago when I went to the doctor last.

It's really hard not to beat up on myself because I've gained 40 lbs. in the last year. And when I get upset with myself I start to eat. It's a vicious cycle and I feel like lately it's getting better to keep everything going one way instead of in circles.

My partner E moved in over a year and half ago and we both started gaining weight that we'd worked so hard to lose. E went back to WW a month ago and has since lost 8 lbs. The last month I haven't really lost any weight but I haven't gained any either. I've just been trying to get myself adjusted to doing what I need to do to lose weight and let her do what she needs to do so she can lose weight also.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment to see if I can get a referral to a specialist for B.R. surgery. I'm hoping that with the numbness in my hands, the grooves in my shoulders and the all around miserableness that I've suffered with since I was in H.S. the insurance company will pay for the reduction.

The main thing I'm looking forward too is wearing normal bras, smaller shirts and being able to run.

I love walking. I stopped for a long time but since I've started up again I realized how much I missed it. When I stopped walking on a daily basis two years ago I was up to 5 miles a day. I tried to run once and I did, I ran a whole mile but without a proper support bra I was in pain the next morning. 

So I can't wait to run. Once the surgery is over and I'm completely healed the running is on . I'm excited. 

Right now my goal for the week is to stay at 1400 calories a day and get in atleast 3 miles, 6 days a week. 

Hopefully by Feb. I want to be back down in 190, where I was 2 years ago before I let everything fall apart. When I'm at that weight I'll decide where to go from there. I know that I want to atleast be 180 that way I'll be overweight instead of obese, but any further than that I don't know.