I've been gone for almost 3 months! Things around here are CRAZY. As of today I've officially hit the 30 lbs. lost mark. I'm 207.
At the end of October I started noticing bruising ALLLLL over my body without remembering what I'd bumped into. My knees were hurting me so bad and my stomach was still acting wonky even after 4 months without a gallbladder. I started looking up my symptoms online and I kept getting Celiac disease. Thinking about all of my issues and remembering how my mom ALWAYS has stomach issues I went to the doctor. They drew SEVEN vials of blood and told me that they'd have to test for all this other stuff before they'd even test me for celiac. Since there's no actual medicine to take for gluten intolerance I just decided to eliminate it from my diet completely after my testing was done.
I have not felt better in probably my whole life. My stomach doesn't have the heavy laden feeling in it. My stomach actually GROWLS when I'm hungry. The knee pains went away and so did the bruising. I sleep better and I'm not exhausted all the time. All my tests came back negative except my B-12 being low which is a sign of celiac. But instead of getting another test done and the possibilty of having to have a biopsy done I've just decided to stop eating gluten. I've been dropping weight like crazy the last few weeks. I was back up to about 212 but without even really exercising I've been losing weight. E's going back on the Eat to Live plan after the new year and hopefully if she gets this job she's got an interview for we'll be getting a gym membership. I've got 17 lbs. to lose before I'm back to 190. After that it's all up to what time of the year it is. At the end of March I need to go into a maitenance phase because starting in June we're going to be trying for a baby. :D If I'm under 190 by April I'll be happy but even if I'm not I'll still be happy.
Everything is great and I feel like 2010 is gonna be an awesome year. :D

Cancer is a fucked up beast. It will completely wreck a person. I remember my uncle from when I was little. He was a huge tall man. He would pick us up and sling us around only the way a giant can and a child can enjoy. My brother wanted to be Uncle W when he grew up. Cancer reduced him to a frail old man before he passed on yesterday. You know what else is fucked up? People driven by money and greed. Just yesterday I was looking at a billboard and saw the Powerball was at almost 200 million. I knew I wasn’t going to buy a ticket but I thought about what I’d do with the money. 2 million to each member of mine and E’s immediate family. I’d fix up my grandma’s house and my Aunt S’s house. I also thought about getting a nurse to help my Aunt D with my grandma and a nurse to care for my Uncle W. since his wife does nothing but spend his money and make him lose his house where my cousins grew up and the business he’s owned since before I was born.

I thought these thoughts probably at the same time my Uncle was dying in his wife’s car because she’d waited too long and never called the hospital, instead deciding to take him herself at the very last moments of his life.

My mom called and told me he’d passed while I was here at work. He’s been sick for so long, more than 4 years but it was still a shock. My brain immediately started telling me that it was ok to go get some bad food for lunch today, COME ON you’re uncle just died it’s ok. Instead I went walking. It’s nice outside now and I’ve been doing so good all week. As I was walking over the bridge I saw a Crystal Water *The company my uncle recently lost* cup and smiled thinking of Uncle W knowing I’d done the right thing.

We’re going to D.C. next month for the National Equality March and we’re gonna talk to our potential donor. I’m excited and a bit freaked out that I’ve got to ask this man for help for a baby. 

At the end of last week I started weaning myself of soda. It’s been an overall easy experience except for the painful headaches that wake me up in the middle of the night and the horrible insomnia I had at the beginning of week. You’d think getting rid of caffeine would help me sleep but for the first few nights I was wide awake until all hours of the night. The last few days have been awesome though. I start getting sleepy and by 11 at the latest I’m falling into bed and right to sleep. I’ve gone from drinking atleast a 2 liter of diet soda a day to one 12 oz. in the middle of the day. I don’t have one on my way to work anymore. I deal with being fuzzy and wake up normally instead of the artificial alertness. A few weeks ago for E’s birthday we went out with friends to this great restaurant called the Casbah and over the course of our 2 hr. dinner I had 6 sodas. SIX. WTF!?

There’s no soda in the house anymore. It’s either Crystal Light or water. 

E and I both have issues with food but they’re very different. I do better when I’m losing weight myself not part of a gym or a program and E needs the structure. She also realized she needed more help. We decided to attend an OA meeting to see if this was the thing that would help her. 

I woke up on Saturday and my whole body felt so weird. I was horribly bloated and my ring hurt my finger so bad that I almost had to take it off. I had a teeth hurting migraine and didn’t want to go to the meeting but E needed to go so I got up. Before we went we stopped at Publix so I could jump on the scale. I got on and almost cried. It said 215. In the space of a week I’d gained 5 lbs. Though I ate alot of food at the baby shower we had at work on Friday and tore up some Dim Sum on Thursday I had walked atleast 3 miles everyday of the week and kept my eating in good shape up until Thursday. 

Usually I would have grabbed whatever food was closest to me at the register and shoved it in my mouth. I didn’t this time. I got a diet caffeine free coke and a 170 cal. rice krispie treat so I could take my meds. 

When we got to the meeting I felt really good that I’d kept it under control. 

Sunday I went back to Publix and the scale said 213.5 which makes ALOT more sense especially because that’s where I was before I got sick. Plus I realized that the whole week I had been eating frozen dinners chock full of sodium which I hadn’t been doing for awhile after E got home.

I haven’t really checked my weight this week and I promised E I wouldn’t until Saturday. I’ve been walking and eating between 1200-1400 a day so I should be good. We’re going to the Running of the Brides in either Atlanta or South Florida in March so I want to lose 6 lbs. a month to put me at 180 or so when we go. That’s a good weight I’d feel comfortable at. I’d like to lose 20 more after that but if I can lose 10 to be at 170 I’d be happy.

It's been a month of craziness. Things at home have been good. It's so nice to have E back after a summer without her. Wedding plans are starting to seriously roll and I'm freaking out because this is the time of year that FLIES by because almost every weekend from now until the end of the year we will be running around doing something with someone. 

HOW am I supposed to plan a wedding and lose weight in all of that!?

Catch a horrible sickness helps. :D

I got horribly, horribly sick last week. I mean losing 3 lbs. in 2 days because I didn't eat for almost the whole week. By Friday I had to go to the doctor who almost put me in the hospital but gave me a shot and meds instead and sent me home.

I'm feeling SO much better but MY GOD it was worse than my gallbladder surgery.

I'm down to 210. We're going to D.C. Oct 10-12 for the National Equality March and to visit friends. I want to lose ATLEAST 8 lbs. before then. That'll put me at 36 lbs. since I was there last year. 

It's starting to cool down here so I'm finding it easier to ramp up the walking. Plus I had two different people come up to me yesterday and say something about how they see me walking all the time and how much weight have a lost? They can really tell. I was really proud of myself because after one woman said something about my weight loss there was part of me that wanted to bust out the old, "Oh thanks but I have SO much further to go!" I bit that back and instead told her thank you so much and told her how she'd made my day. I was on a freaking HIGH after that. I was so happy.

It's been a hard week for me. I'm missing E like CRAZY and even though she'll be back on Wed. it still feels like forever. She'll be gone next year for 6 weeks again to help her folks out. :( It'll be even worse than because we'll be in the middle of the final wedding countdown.
And speaking of wedding. I found THE dress that I wanted from Nordstrom. They kept running out of a 16 and would only have 10P, which no matter HOW much weight I'll lose in 9 months I'd never fit into a petite. Well last week they had a 16 so I went ahead and bought it. It got here on Thursday and they're full of crap if that dress is a 16. It's more like a 14. I've got some MAJOR work to do in the next 9 months. We already have someone in Mass. that can alter the dress if I get low enough that it needs to be taken in. AND Nordstrom is AMAZING. I called about their return time limit and the woman told me they didn't actually have a time limit. So in 6 months after busting my ass I'll evaluate if I need to get another dress BUT I know I won't have too.
I have to lose 56 lbs. to be at 160. That's 6 lbs. a month for the next 9 months. 1.5 lbs. a week. If I can't do that then there's no hope for me at all.
And speaking of my hard week and wedding stuff. I have a friend, L that I've been friends with for over 6 years. We went to college together and when I wanted to leave my newspaper job she got me a job at the place I'm at now. Last year around this time she started acting weird towards me and I didn't understand what I'd done. I had a fleeting thought that it was because I was gay but she still hung out with the gay boy at work just not me. Well then I thought I must have done something TERRIBLE that I didn't remember to make someone that upset with me.
I asked her CONTINUOUSLY over the last year what I'd done and she'd tell me everything was fine but she barely talked to me anymore.
Thursday it was pouring rain and my dress was supposed to come from UPS. She deals with UPS through our company so I asked her if they'd leave the box at my door even if I wasn't home. She gave me a snappy answer that had NOTHING really to do with UPS. It was then that I realized that it WAS because I was gay and want to get married. I finally called her on it and she answered me back with yes that's why. She felt I was forcing her to "march for my beliefs" to be friends with me. All I've ever done it talk about my hopes of getting married and having kids the same as any other person. I NEVER asked her to "march for my beliefs". I was so taken aback I didn't know what to say. The worst part is She'll think we're no longer friends because I think she's a bigot, which she is. But she went a WHOLE YEAR lying to my face telling me nothing was wrong then treating me like crap. THAT is the true reason we're not friends anymore. It's ok for her to hang out with S at work because he's a "safe gay" that doesn't vocalize the fact that he wants to be treated just like everyone else. I guarantee you if I told him WHY she's been treating me like shit he'd be just as offended as me.
I ate so horribly that night because I was so hurt and angry. I woke up on Friday though and said how DARE I let her get me off track. I'm getting married next year AND I'm gonna start trying for a baby and just like before it doesn't have a DAMNED thing to do with her. I'm doing this for me and MY happiness. The happiness I deserve just like every other person on this entire planet.

Last week was good and bad. I DID stay off the scale at Publix *that temptress* BUT I only exercised twice and on Saturday ate so much pizza that even thinking about it now I'm queasy. I weighed myself this afternoon and I was still at 214 which is good. My new goal is to lose 5 lbs. in the next 2-1/2 weeks. I want to be 209 by the time E gets home. It will be the first time I've been that close to 200 in 2 years. Plus we're going to Universal when she gets back and as cheesy as it sounds it's OUR place. It's where we took our first vacation together, it's where we bought our rings from Tiffany's and we're fully planning next year to go there for our honeymoon. HOPEFULLY Harry Potter land will be open by then. :D That would make Universal an even better place.

I have some other huge goals I need to start cracking down on and getting MAJOR serious about. We're talking about trying to have a baby next year. :D YAY! I need to lose ATLEAST 50 lbs. before that happens. I want to be 160 before we start trying in August which means I need to be 160 and mantaining by March. Some of my friends don't seem to understand why I want to lose weight BEFORE having the baby. My friend S was telling me last night I need to just lose the weight after the baby. I told him no way. I would rather be 160, gain 20 lbs. with the baby and after the baby is born go back to 160 instead of being 214 gaining 20 lbs. and going back down to 214.
Yeah I said 20 lbs. Because I'd still be overweight I need to gain between 15-25 lbs. and no more during pregnancy. There's still fat reserves there for the baby. S was telling me I would gain 40 lbs. but I won't let that happen. I'm not going to start out my child's life with weight issues. I want my kid to not have the same struggles I have had since I was 16. Coincidently, being at 160 will be the weight I was WHEN I was 16 and I haven't seen it since.
Speaking of S we went out to dinner a few week ago with me him, his partner and my sister. My sister didn't finish all the food on her plate because she was full and he started harping on her to eat all the food because she KNEW she still wanted it. What did my sister do? Take more bites of the food she didn't want. I looked at her and told her to put it down if she wasn't really hungry. S looked at me and was like, "Well you ate all your food." Yes, because I was actually hungry, having thrown out what was the WORST lunch ever. Had I not been I'm sure I wouldn't have eaten it all. Last night I was over at their house for birthday cake. I got a small piece and when I was done put my plate in the sink. Again he kept harping on me to eat more cake. WTF? Why do people do that? Especially when he KNOWS that I'm trying to lose weight. After that is when we had the pregnancy weight discussion.
DAMMIT! It's sunshining outside but has started to pour rain. It better stop so I can get out there and walk before dinner.

I have a HUGE goal this week. Not huge and is momentous or anything but it's hard. I have to stay off the damned scale at Publix. We got rid of our scales at the house because I was weighing everyday. Well I started dropping by the grocery store after work everyday and doing the same thing. I will STAY OFF OF IT this week. I will weigh myself ONCE this week at the gym on Saturday and that's IT. It's going to be hard for such a small thing but I can do it.

:D
Down 2 lbs. to 214. It's sweltering hot here but I started walking around 8 p.m. after most of the heat has burned off.
I can't believe it's been almost a month since my surgery. It's amazing how much better I feel and though a lot of people take getting rid of the gallbladder as an excuse for a food free-for-all it's really helped me.
I have to eat smaller meals throughout the day now so I can keep my stomach in check. I've also learned for the first time in my life how to actually LISTEN to my body's hunger signals. Through everything I've done, I've never paid heed to that most important of advice. All through weight watchers and everything else I've read and done I ignored that simple NORMAL body reaction. Last night I went out to dinner with a friend and I actually stopped eating when I noticed I was pushing food around on my plate while I talked instead of eating it. I then stood up got more soda then realized I wasn't hungry anymore. And I didn't feel guilty in the least for having to get a doggy bag and not being able to "finish everything on my plate." Heck, I felt good because I had enough food left for lunch hand got two meals for the price of one. I never thought eating would make me feel good even after everything was done. This is one of the first times I think I've eaten without guilt. God it feels good.

Ugh I feel HORRIBLE today. I know my TOM is coming but I can't help it. I feel gross and disgusting and I see that I've gained a pound since Friday and I want to cry. Did I REALLLLY gain it or is it water weight? I don't know.
My abdomen is so painfully sore right now. I'm not quite sure what's going on. It wasn't even this tight right after surgery.
I had my check up with the doctor yesterday and he said everything looks real good and I don't have to come back unless there's a problem.
I was supposed to go to the gym today but it was so crowded that I turned around and left. I PROMISE though tomorrow I will hit the gym right after work so I have no excuse. It's so hard for me to get back into exercise after I haven't been doing it for so long especially since I'm a weakling and even the smallest amount of pain has me worried I'm gonna bleed internally.
But no more excuses. Whether or not I really DID gain a pound since Friday I'm starting back to the gym tomorrow.

I went to the gym today. BADDDD idea apparently. It's been two weeks since my surgery but I walked one mile and thought I was gonna die. So I will NOT be going back until I see my doctor on Monday and he gives me the ok.
In related news. Last week I weighed myself on the scale at Publix. It said I was 219. NICE I thought. Today I got on the scale at the gym and I was 216!! I've OFFICIALLY hit the 20 lb. mark. I'm hoping to have another 15 off by the time E comes back in the middle of August. Once I'm healed up good and can go to the gym hopefully the weight will keep coming off at a good speed.

Today is my second day at work since the surgery. I’m feeling pretty good just EXTREMELY sore. Up until yesterday I hadn’t really worn a bra and unfortunately now I have one rubbing against one of my incisions for 8 hrs a day.  I need to start taking Motrin or Tylenol for the pain. They gave me Percocet but I hate the way it makes me feel. I get all itchy and if I take more than one pill I fall asleep super fast.

Tomorrow I’m going back to school maybe. I might wait until The 6^th.  I went on Monday night but only lasted an hour before my teacher sent me home because I was sweating all over the place and just looked and felt out right miserable.

The operation went really well. I went in at 7:30 for a 9 surgery and left at 2.  I was there a bit longer than expected because the first time they woke me up I started screaming about how much pain I was in. SO they put me back under for a bit. Whoops. The second time they woke me up I came out in full panic attack mode. I did nothing but scream over and over for E until they realized she’d brought me and went to get her from the waiting room. I totally don’t remember Tuesday.  Wednesday my sister and her husband came out to stay the night and visit. I vaguely remember toast and applesauce and busting on my sister because she didn’t cut my toast “correctly”. Thursday I started feeling pretty good and E and I went to Chick Fil A. I had a plain grilled chicken sandwich with some water and was completely full but I felt good.  Later that night I went a little wild and had a grilled southwest salad from McDonald’s. It took me almost 30 minutes to eat it but it stayed down and didn’t bother my stomach at all.

I haven’t had red meat or anything besides chicken or turkey since before my surgery. Sunday I stepped on the scale and was shocked. I’d lost 4 lbs.  I expect some of it to come back once I’m eating regularly but probably not much since my eating has completely changed.

The main thing I was worried about other than getting a horrible infection or bleeding to death after surgery was how my weight was going to be. I looked online and immediately became terrified at what I saw.  Boards and boards of people complaining about how AFTER surgery they gained weight, and I don’t mean a little bit. People were talking about how they gained 70 pounds. These people were saying how fit they were BEFORE the surgery and how keeping their exercise and eating habits in check they were STILL gaining weight.

Now I understand that for some people that might actually be true but after looking at actually medical research instead of people complaining on the internet I started to feel better. Everything medicially says that most people will LOSE WEIGHT because you have to drastically change your eating habits. Lowfat, healthy food. Fiber rich veggies and fruits need to become the staples. It also said that most people who experience weight gain is because they’re able to eat the foods they weren’t able to before, i.e. fatty foods because they’re not having any pain.

Monday I was so tired and so sore from going to school that I flew through the
drive-thru at BK and got a original chicken sandwich meal.

It didn’t upset my stomach but the next morning I realized something.

I had surgery to remove what my doctor called an abnormal gallbladder. It had leak and had started to fuse itself to fat around it. *Thank god I’m fat because another girl I know had hers fuse to her liver, but that’s besides the point*

Gallbladder surgery is one of the most common surgeries done but that doesn’t make it ok to shovel food in my face because I’m tired.

I had to have this surgery because of a lifetime of horrid easting habits. I let myself get to almost 300 lbs. I lost 90 lbs. 4 years ago but then I started yo-yoing, which I’m pretty sure caused the demise of my gallbladder.

I was doing pretty good before the surgery but not as good as I should have been. But I’ve gotten the wake up call from my body and I’m listening to it now. From this moment forward I will never again put my body and wellbeing in danger just for a damned hamburger. 

I had two doctor's appointments yesterday. One for the boob and one for the gallbladder. There's nothing wrong with the top half of me but the gallbladder's got to go. I'm getting a HIDA scan on Tuesday then Thursday I go talk to the surgeon. I'm a little freaked out but I'll be happy when this pain is gone. I know it's my own fault my gallbladder is screwed up and I know that the way I lost and gained and lost and gained and lost weight over the last 4 years DID NOT help.

I'm hoping to get it done before E leaves at the end of the month. 

I'm also nervous about all the eating changes I'll have to do. There's no more having a bad dinner and just being good the rest of the week because I don't want my stomach it act all crazy like I've been reading it has. E said since she's on WW again all the food she cooks should be fine because it's low in fat.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I went to the doctor 5 days ago and I was still 222. I'm fine with it. I haven't paid attention to anything weight related since then.

I'm almost 100% sure I'm going to have to get my gallbladder removed. I went the week before or whenever when I was 224 and had an ultrasound done. They found a polyp on my gallbladder. I read up on it since it's kinda rare and my doctor refuses to answer any of my damned questions without me forking over $20 for a damned visit that'll probably only be 15 minutes. Since mine is hurting me, which is something they usually don't do I'm sure I'll have to get it out. I have an appointment tomorrow to discuss what the hell is going on before she sends me to a surgeon for a referral. Another damned $40 I don't HAVE to have someone talk to me for 15 minutes before they decide to do anything or not.

I also went to the doctor last Friday because the week before I was laying in bed and felt a lump in my right boob. I'm only 29 so I know I shouldn't be freaking out but I can't help it. The doctor said it felt like breast tissue and it might well be but she's sending me tomorrow for a mammogram and an ultrasound to make sure. I know it's not cancer. I have no history in my family of cancer, I'm under 30. Hell I read a thing online that said when you're premenopausal being overweight actually HELPS not getting breast cancer. 

I'm scared though. We had so much stuff planned out just 8 days ago. Now everything is hinging on whether things go ok tomorrow. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. 

I drowned my anxiety yesterday in corn nuggets and freaking ranch dressing. I'm surprised I didn't have a gallbladder attack.

I'm getting married in the fall next year!!!

We decided on next fall to get married. I'm trying not to get all sick to my stomach. This is officially the first time we've talked REALLY talked about it happening. I have to lose 70 lbs. I know it's not that hard. I can do it easily in a year but I'm freaking out. These are the 3 dresses I can't decide between. I know I still have a long time and I'm gonna need it to look good in these dresses. Especially the first one from J Crew. The other two would hide any belly pretty good but that one has it all front and center. We found an awesome place with great wedding packages in Mass. We just have to decide whether we want to get married in Boston or Provincetown. P-Town I know TOTALLY cliche but it could be fun.

222!!!!! I don't know how it happened but it did!! FINALLY. I'm so freaking happy. I actually broke outta 224. It's all down hill from now on... and I mean number wise. :D

It's been two weeks since I updated but in no way did I fall off the wagon. The first week I did NO exercise because it was raining every single minute of every single day for a week. It finally got cleared up and I started walking again. Sat, E went back to WW and though it was hard I'm glad she actually did. Because now we can both work as a unit to lose weight. Something we've never done in the 2 years we've lived together. This week my exercise has been ok. Nothing great at all. I went to the doctor on Wed. and I was 224. STILL. I'm not frustrated because even though my weight hasn't changed my body shape has. Plus I know what I need to do to lose weight. I have to do more cardio. I'm going to start up my C25K program again. I'll do it on M, T, Th during my lunch hour. I'll walk to the gym, do 30 minutes on the treadmill then walk back to work. I've been getting good exercise for the passed few months and my eating was pretty solid but I just haven't been doing the RIGHT exercising. I'll get it though. I know I will.

Wow. It's amazing how something so small can change your mood so quickly.
I was standing in the lunch room getting water from the machine ( it takes FOREVER to fill up my 34 oz. bottle). And a woman I've never met before said, "You've lost a lot of weight recently haven't you?" I honestly looked around for who she was talking to before I realized it was me.
I was kicking the hell out of myself today, even bitching to myself about the pack of captain's wafers I had with my no more than 300 cal. salad for lunch.
I feel so much better now. :D

So it's Friday. I'm not sure how my week has been. Two pairs of pants that usually fit or at one point quite snug are to the point they can be pulled off without unbuttoning them. I haven't been to the gym all week. I have been walking each day except Wed. Where I unfortunately went to the chinese buffet and today. My sister is graduating tonight so I have to use my lunch hour to leave an hour early so I can get out of town before the traffic rush.
I talked to my sister in law and she said my dad has lost SO much weight. I'm really proud of him but a big huge part of me is scared that when I get to the house he won't see that I've been doing something not just to lose weight but to change my relationship with food and exercise. He'll just see that it's taken me 3 months to lose 13 lbs. I know I'm PMSy and I miss E (she's at her sister's graduation in Mass.) and it's sending my emotions into overdrive and I'm probably projecting but I can't help it. I'm going to fight real hard to be good this weekend so I don't do any damage and hopefully can lose weight next week. I feel like I did this week but I'm not certain and won't know until I get on the scale next week.

I weighed myself on Friday and I was 224. Not bad, not bad at all. I haven't weighed myself this week yet but I'm sure I've lost. The pants I bought in March when we were in Boston are getting really baggie on me. E is gone to Boston for a week for her sister's graduation so I'm fending for myself. She left me this really awesome low fat, low calorie cornbread pudding type stuff to eat with the two pork chops she left for me but the stuff DID NOT sit well overnight only to be reheated in the microwave. So last night for dinner I had a pork chop with one of the awesome Arnold Sandwich thins and some veggie light cream cheese.

I had a test on Monday at school and I got a 96 and yesterday she snuck a test in on us and I got a 96 again. :D I do really well at these surprise tests. Doesn't give me time to stress out about messing up. My teacher told me yesterday that I'm really doing awesome and it gave me the extra boost to my confidence that I needed.
I bought a new water bottle this passed weekend, one that has a strap so I can carry it to the gym without it being to awkward and I'm glad I did! It was SCORCHING hot on Monday when I had to walk to the bank and if it wasn't for that water bottle I would have flat out died. I'm just glad it cooled off yesterday.
I KNOW it's about to be that TOM because I'm craving sushi SOOOOO bad. I want to go to the chinese buffet up the street from my house where they surprisingly have amazing sushi but I need to stay on track. My sister's graduation party is this weekend and I know they're gonna have alot of crazy stuff. Plus my friends are having a Pampered Chef party so I know there will be good food there. I can do this. :D

I weighed myself today at the gym even though I wasn’t supposed to but I’m glad I did. I wanted to see HOW badly I’d screwed up this passed weekend. THANKFULLY with this week being super strict (Except yesterday when I ate my weight in sushi.) I was 224. I’ll have the final week number tomorrow.
It’s MAD crazy hot outside and I bought a pair of shorts that are kinda spandexy but not really. It’s just so hot I couldn’t walk to the gym in my pants anymore. I’ve been doing a pilates class on T&TH that’s cool. It’s killer because I have NO ab muscles whatsoever but I love it. As I was leaving today I said something to the tiny girl behind the counter at the Y about how it was super hot outside and I didn’t want to have to walk back to work. She asked where I worked and I told her and she was like, “WOW that’s a big walk.” I told her it’s only .8 mile and she was still shocked. I love that feeling. Knowing that I’m doing something someone else thinks is crazy hard.
Speaking of crazy hard. I had a test on Monday and I got a 95. I’m so proud of myself. There’s no way I’m going to fail this school. This time two years from now I’ll be working it out as a court reporter. :D

Ugh. I don't even want to step on a scale this week. I love Ellen but it's SOOO good she doesn't live closer to us. She's a very tiny, tiny girl but she eats like a fat girl. My whole weekend was a glutton of food and booze. Sunday we went to St. Augustine and went to a winery tour then walked around went to Sangria's which is AMAZING had some Sangria and appetizers then went over to Columbia for dinner and dessert. Oh I forgot we started out the day with bread, cheese and fig preserve lunch. I know I gained weight. I'm just scared to see how much. I had a gallbladder attack on Sunday night. E thinks it has to do with Brie because almost every time I have an attack there's Brie involved.
I decided to be STRONG the rest of the week and be good, clean everything out with a week of fruit, salads and soups. And I even refused a trip to Savannah with E and Ellen because I know one of the main things they're gonna do is go to Paula Deen's. Plus Savannah is full of such good boozing spots such as my favorite water front dive, The Warehouse.
I think I'm ok though. I got it under control very well yesterday and today. Hopefully I can at least lose what I gained over the weekend. Good thing is Chris won't be coming for another month AT LEAST so I have time to lose more weight before having another weekend of debauchery.

223!! WOO! I broke through it. I had an AMAZING week. Saturday when we were cleaning out the garage I threw away BOTH of the scales we had. Tossed them right in the garbage and didn’t look back. They’re gone and so was my temptation to weigh myself 3-4 times a day. I think getting rid of the stress of weight helped a lot this week. I felt so good, so dedicated to losing the weight this week. I said I’d be happy with 1 lb. lost but 3 is spectacular! I’ll beat my 220 by the end of the month goal easily if I keep this up.
I kept my food at 1200 this week and worked out the same and it did the trick. I felt so good that I didn’t have one moment this week where I just wanted to eat and eat. It’s a good day.
Now I get to go home and do MORE exercise by cleaning my house before Ellen gets here tomorrow. And that includes lugging a huge sofa up the stairs. This should be fun.

This week I decided to try something to see if I could get out of my rut. I didn’t quite do exercise on the weekend. We did spend all weekend cleaning the house and getting ready for guests and that did entail A LOT of running up and down the stairs so I’m totally gonna count it. I’ve done good on my food all week so far. I drop my calories back to 1200 after looking at an old written journal and seeing that my body apparently only wants to lose weight when I’m eating the LOWEST calories that’s healthily possible. Stepped but my workout game a bit also. I went to the gym today and it looks like this is the magic solution for me. I jumped on the scale real quick before leaving but I’m fairly certain it was a solid 223. I know for certain it’s no more than 224 and that’s ALL that matters. E got me going to this PEER trainer place online and she was talking to me about the emails they send out. One of them was talking about how it’s not about how much weight you WANT to lose it’s how much weight you EXPECT to lose. If you expect to never lose any or lose it then gain it back you won’t go anywhere.
I thought it was interesting because I have never thought of my weight loss like that. I’ve always expected that I couldn’t do it or it’d all come back and that’s exactly what happened. So I’ve changed my tune. I expect this to be the LAST time I lose this weight. I will NOT gain it back and by the end of the year I WILL be at 180. Also I’ll be at 220 or below by the end of May when I have to go to the doctor. I WILL start training for my C25K at the end of the year once I get to 180.
I started taking a FlexxIt class on Tues & Thurs and it kicked my butt yesterday. I didn’t feel it until I start doing my circuit class today and then I was DYING. But I got through it and I’ll be there again tomorrow. :D
I’m very proud of myself lately with food also. We went to Chili’s the other night and I had 600 calories left. E ordered chips and salsa and I wanted some. So I had some and decided what I would get for dinner to balance it out. One of Chili’s big mouth burger buns are 330!! That’s JUST the bun. I had them swap it out for one of their 90 cal. Whole wheat buns and I got black beans instead of fries. I had half the basket of chips and that was 235. By the time our dinner came out I had half the burger and a couple bites of black beans and then I was full. I wrapped the rest up and took it to work the next day and came away at 600. I was proud because it’s been A LOOOOOONG time since I was able to control myself when it came to food. When I lost all my weight before I did it like it was nothing but I got out of that and gained the weight I’m trying to get rid of now. We’re going to Bonefish Grill on Saturday when E’s friend Ellen comes to visit. I’ve already checked the website and decided on what I’m going to have, something else I used to do that worked so well before. Hopefully this is a good sign in the right direction.

Well it's been a month since I lost ANY weight. I'm not exactly sure what I did to screw myself up so bad but something has happened. I'm still stuck at 226. Though I probably shouldn't be complaining because apparently though I haven't lost any weight things have seemed to have shifted. I'm wearing a wear of 18 jeans from Old Navy that I bought when I was 10 lbs. heavier. They are literally falling off of me and I washed and put them in the dryer just last night. So maybe I've lost inches this month when I'm busting my butt at the gym instead of weight. It's weird.
Next week since I'm off of school I'm gonna try and get my weight loss going again. I'm going to fiddle with my calories and up my exercise everyday next week in hopes that I'll get something right and lose some weight.
I'm supposed to set up my annual OB visit but I don't want to go in until I've lost these six pain in the ass lbs. I was 220 last year and I'll be 220 this year DAMMIT! I'm gonna set the appointment for the middle of May or maybe the end when I have my vacation time and I can just take the whole day off to relax and do something that's not work or school related. I'm totally gonna do that. I'm gonna set up my appointment for after the 21st and then go super early then spend the rest of the day at the beach. It was CRAZY hot today. It's 89 outside and I LOVE it. It's gorgeous outside. I'm just so damned sad that I have to spend it inside this cube. :( I think I might go to Wal Mart tonight and buy a new summer exercise outfit. I need shorts that don't show off too much fat *i.e. spandex* but I need them to not show my ass when I'm in circuit class.

My dad’s been losing weight. He’s doing REALLY good but I’m worried about the WAY he’s losing weight. I know I mentioned before that he started eating meat again. Not red meat but chicken, fish and sometimes pork. He came over for Easter and looked amazing. A week later he came over and he was even SKINNIER. But he walked into my house with an empty bag of PORK RINDS. WTF!? My dad won’t eat certain vegetables because they’re “full of carbs” but eating a bag of pork rinds is ok?! I don’t understand this logic at all.
I love my dad and I want him to lose weight but I want him to do it safely. Our family has a history of heart problems and I don’t think being on Atkins is good for your heart.
I’ve had a hard time losing weight this time. I lost 10 then plateaued because I haven’t been as careful as I should be. BUT one thing is different than any time before. I’m happy. I feel so good that when I eat more than I should I don’t beat myself up *AS MUCH*. And I don’t feel that constant NEED to overeat when I sit down to dinner. We had dinner with a friend last night and he brought dessert, a freaking truffley tart. I had a small piece and was done. I was full from dinner but not bloated full and I didn’t want anymore. He kept trying to get me to get another piece but I refused. When he left he didn’t take the tart with him. I immediately tossed it in the garbage so we wouldn’t eat any more of it. I didn’t feel guilty at all. Most of my life I’ve had a huge hang up on food and it getting wasted. I know it stems from not having a lot when we were kids. BUT I can’t let that interfere with who I am now. There’s NO logical reason to finish a HORRID calorie bomb of a dessert just so it won’t get wasted and I’m starting to come to terms with that. I feel good.
I don’t know if I lost any weight this week but I noticed today that even if I didn’t I’m sure I’ve lost some inches. I’m wearing a pair of pants that got washed last night and they’re hanging off of me. I’m pretty sure in like 5 lbs. I’ll be able to do the whole pull them off without unbuttoning them thing. PLUS I tried on my goal jeans and I got them on and zipped STANDING UP and they were the most comfortable they’ve been since I gained weight. Probably 10-15 I’ll be able to wear them regularly.
We’re having friends come from out of town next week to spend the week with us. Well one is spending the week and the other just the weekend. The big highlight of their trip will be taking them to Clark’s Fish Camp. I can BARELY describe this place to anyone it’s so crazy. E says it’s like Fight Club. You don’t talk about it to anyone, you’ve just got to experience it. So we like to take all of E’s Yankee people (I say that with love) to this place and watch their reaction.
I’ve got to try and be good while they’re here. Do my exercising and try to keep my eating from CRAZY LEVELS.
I’m off of school this coming week for Spring Break so I’m hoping that with a little more exercise and some rest I’ll be able to break the plateau. We’ll see.

I'm trying to stay sane and not flip out and start eating everything in sight. I haven't lose any weight in almost a month. I'm not sure what's going on. I know I need to be careful with what I eat on the weekends and I need to exercise on the weekends also but my weight hasn't budged at all. I don't eat THAT crazy on the weekends. Especially not even near how bad I was even 3 months ago. I don't understand it. Hopefully if I just keep pushing and watch my weekends and exercise better I can push through this and get down to damned 220. Shoot at this point I just want to lose the 2 lbs. I gained a few weeks ago.

I’ve been struggling the last couple of weeks with my food on weekends and how I deal with myself outside of my structured workweek.
I’m honestly on the go from 7 am until 10:30pm 3 days a week and the other two are spent doing homework and studying after work or trying to decompress from the hectic schedule I’ve put myself in.
I started going to the gym in Feb. one because of my gallbladder issue but also because I’m unhappy at my job. Actually unhappy is a very lenient, kind word. But we’re in the middle of a recession so I should be happy just to have a job. To make myself feel better I decided to get away from the office and go to the gym for an hour, burn off some of my anxiety and irritation and get from behind a desk and computer screen.
I started feeling better and started losing weight. Then school started at the beginning of March and I saw my weight loss go from full steam ahead to dropping to almost nothing and sometimes gaining.
When I started on Feb 17th after 3 weeks I lost 9 lbs. I started school and even though I was keeping up the same gym and eating schedule, even started trying to start the C25K, I wasn’t losing any weight or as of last week gained a few pounds back.
I love the C25K and I want to keep training for it, but I think I need to put it on hold for a while. I need to focus more on school and getting rest while still eating correctly and going to the gym during my lunch hour so I can do better in school and be rested so I’m not going crazy on the weekends like I’ve been doing.
Hopefully this will help get me back on track to losing weight like I was before.
I’m not going anywhere and I’m most def NOT quitting. I just think it’s time for me to pull one thing of a thousand off the table so I can pay more attention to the core issues that mean the most.

I'm not having a good week... AT ALL.
Over the weekend I was way off and ate too much and didn't exercise at all. I'm under a lot of stress at school and work, not to mention home. I've been good this week with food and exercise wise. Well I worked out on Monday during my lunch and ran W2D1 of C25K on Monday night but didn't work out yesterday but still ate well. I just feel really gross and stressed and blah. I don't know what to do. I'm going to my class in about 30 minutes but really I just want to take the rest of the day off and sleep. I wish I could. :( Sunday is Easter and I'm worried I won't be able to control my eating. We're having food that's healthy for my dad and everyone else but I don't know. I feel like I'm not making any progress even though I've already lost 11.5 I feel like I should be doing better. I've been going at freaking warp speed since starting back to school and I just don't know how I can possibly juggle everything better. I think part of my anxiety is because I didn't exercise yesterday and I feel all outta the loop if I'm not doing work, exercise, school, exercise all in one day. I'm crazy. I know it.

HECK YES!!!
WOOT! Down 3.5 this week. Since I started exercising and eating better Feb. 16th I've lost 11.5 lbs!! I'm so excited. I'm hoping to lose another 8.5 by May 6th when we go see Wicked so I can buy a new outfit to wear. :D
On the C25K front, the first day went really well even though I was having ipod issues. The 2nd and 3rd day haven't actually happened yet. :( Tuesday we got outta class early so I didn't go to the gym and yesterday class was canceled because of the weather so I didn't go to the gym. I'm gonna go tomorrow and do day 2 before an Aqua aerobics class. I'll probably just jump right into week 2 on Monday because I've been doing this walking for exercise thing for so long that the first day was pretty easy.
I'm so excited because I've decided to set a date and run a 5k on June 13th. It's called the Run for the Pies. Lol, figures that'd be the one I'd run in for the first time.

I didn't lose any weight last week but with everything going on I also didn't GAIN any weight and that's the big importance.
I went shopping this weekend and got all geared up for my C25K program. I bought my red ipod shuffle, some Asics and some workout clothes.
Here's the actually stuff I bought.



And not only is the ipod gonna help myself lose weight it's also a red product so just from buying it I've help 83 mothers get the AIDs shot they need to keep their unborn babies from getting it.

I'm really super pumped about starting the C25K. I'm TERRIFIED but excited. I'm walking to the library at lunch and then tonight on my break I'll do the first C25K session. Yay!!!
I'm going out to my parents house this weekend to clean out my old room. I'm hoping I can lose at least 3 lbs. before I go out there.
My dad used to be SUPER huge when I was a kid. Well he started exercising and eating better and became a vegetarian and lost a TON of weight. At one point he was down to 188 lbs. But that was in boot camp. While in the Army he was fine until he hurt his neck and he couldn't really exercise anymore. He started gaining weight and eventually got back up to his weight of about 350 where he is now.
He went to the doctor a few weeks ago and his sugar was high. He decided to drop all of the pasta and carbs that he's been eating for ages and started eating fish and chicken again. He's walking everyday after work and I'm really proud of him. He wants to start running again also. Hopefully by the end of the year he'll be running again and we can run a 5K together.
Anyways. We're having Easter at our house and me and E are gonna make a full WW Core dinner so it'll be healthy for the whole family and my dad can actually enjoy it too. We're making a turkey breast instead of a ham because this is the first time my dad will eat meat at a dinner in ages and we want it to be healthy.

It has not been a good week. I’ve been eating better for the last month after my HORRID weekend in Feb. of gallbladder pains. Everything was fine until this passed Monday. I did something stupid and ate McDonald’s AND Taco Bell within hours of each other. I stayed up ALLLLL night with pain. I thought it would be fine after that because I was strict again in what I ate. Nope. The whole week up until last night, I was up with pain.
I’ve been so exhausted all week. Tuesday I was like a freaking zombie wandering around at school so bad my teacher sent me home.
Yesterday I was still so sore from a week long of night pains that I barely ate anything. The last thing I had to eat yesterday was a South Beach Living breakfast bar at 6:30 p.m. Last night was also the first time in a week I didn’t wake up crying in pain. I usually eat my biggest meal at dinner. I don’t eat a heavy breakfast because I get naseuos and I never have time for a big lunch. But I need to change that. From now on my bulk of calories will come during the day and for dinner on most days I’ll drop a bar like I did last night and when I’m home I’ll have small portions and NOT heavy on the red meat or dairy. (Two things I saw can inflame the gallbladder.)
I don’t know how I did this week with my weight. I didn’t really go over my calories except on Monday but my exercise has been WAAAAAAY lax. I went to the gym on Wed. and I’m going today but other than that I haven’t done squat. Hopefully I didn’t gain anything. I guess we’ll see after lunch.

I'm exhausted today. I've barely gotten any sleep since we got broken into. Sunday we found out that ANOTHER neighbor was broken into on Friday. They lost their TV, laptop AND a damned pistol. So now the P.O.S.s that keep coming into OUR neighborhood and ripping us off are armed. It really doesn't freaking end does it? My father lives out in the middle of nowhere and people are getting broken into out there. Which worries me. My S-I-L and nephew are home all day out there in the woods by themselves. My family needs to make sure their gate is LOCKED UP TIGHT on the land.
I don't know where I am weight wise. I didn't really workout this weekend except to clean the house from top to bottom. Well I did the bottom floor and E did the second. But I sure broke out in a sweat. My eating was kinda lax but nothing INSANE. Yesterday I did eat at Taco Bell for dinner but that was actually within my 1200 but then on the way home E wanted a double cheeseburger and some fries from McDonald's and I got some for myself also. And I regretted it. I was up ALLLLLLL night with bad stomach/indegestion/ gallbladder pains. I swear I'm gonna be good the rest of the week. I've got 3 days I'm going to be able to work out in before my Friday weigh in for the 20/20 challenge. I HOPE I lost atleast 1 lb. or atleast no weight gain.
I'm supposed to go out to my parents house this weekend and clean out my old room. I might hold off for a weekend though. Try and get my body back in the flow of work, exercise, eating right and school. I haven't been able to get back on COMPLETE track since last week. I can do this. I know I can.

I walked to the Y did my class and walked back within my lunch hour. I am so freaking happy. :D
I weighed myself today and I'm 228. Up a pound from the last time I actually weighed myself a few weeks ago but after the hectic few weeks I've had ESPECIALLY this one I'm VERY proud of myself. :D

I was robbed.

Yesterday while we were at work some piece of shit broke into our house and stole our 37" tv and E's Apple macbook. They freaking came through the front door IN BROAD DAYLIGHT and no one saw anything. A neighbor a couple of unit blocks over got her place broken into also but they apparently didn't find anything to their liking to take.
We got the insurance stuff all straightened out and both of us are fine, as are the cats but I have NEVER felt so violated in my life.
Thank god our house is still under it's home warranty. They came out last night and put a temp. fix on the door and just finished up permanently fixing it. We're getting new BIGGER locks and a security system today.
After all the hoopla last night we went to Chili's and I downed two Mango margaritas and had a huge burger and fries. I'm pretty sure I'll be fine though. I mean after all the crap I went through I'm not even kicking myself.
I'm exhausted today. I didn't go to work because we've spent all day calling various banks to get flags put on our accounts. Calling all the credit companies to get security freezes. I'm sick to my stomach worrying I'm gonna miss something and info from that computer's gonna come back and bite me on the ass credit wise. I hate feeling like this and I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE.

One last thing.

I wanted to put up a before photo when I was 280 and a photo of me now at 230. It's crazy how BIG of a change 50 lbs. makes.

20/20 Challenge

Let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!!!

Step 1:
Make a plan and set your goal!
My plan: To lose 20 lbs. in 20 weeks
My goal: To lose the weight and be a full time runner.

Step 2:
Choose our rewards!

My 10 lb. reward: 2 dvd's of my choice that I've been eyeballing forever.
My 20 lb. reward: A massage package from the place where E has hers.
My FINAL after the challenge goal reward from when I go from obese to overweight, which is 180 I'm buying a dang WII. Everyone else in the world has one and I totally have to have one.

Step 3:
Plan my weight loss attack!

I go to school on M, T, Th. and there's a Y right around the other side of the building. I'm gonna go there on my breaks and get started on the C25K running program.
M and Th. on my lunch break I'll be walking THIS bridge either to the library or the BoA Tower, which is .8 or 1 mile depending where I'm going:


Wednesday and Friday I had my Y Super Stations class. I'll walk the bridge over to the BoA Tower and then do the class.
Wed. & Friday night are free for me to do homework and relax at the start of the weekend.
Saturday I think will be my "day off". Maybe I'll hit up a swim class or Zumba with E but nothing crazy.
Sunday I'll walk 2 miles at the house then Shred with Jillian.

As for my eating:
My BMR is 1814. That's 12,698 calories a week.
To lose 1 lb. a week I have to consume, 9,198. That's 1314 a day or however I mix it up to keep it at 9,198 a week. The eating is actually ALOT better since I started classes because I have to have my stuff with me because I don't have time to run out and get food. So I'm actually doing pretty good. I usually have a South Beach breakfast bar in the morning on the way to work because I can't eat too much that early or I tend to get sick. Lunch I have some type of sammich. Today was PB&J and some celery and carrots and hummus and a nectarine. Dinner is some spaghetti-os and a del monte fruit cup.

I'm really glad I joined this challenge. I feel SUPER MOTIVATED!!!

Just a quick late night update.
I'm starting a challenge to really kick my weight loss into gear. I'm gonna kick butt!! Thanks Ash!

Me and E went to see our niece for her 1st birthday this passed weekend. I'm not even gonna lie and act like I was good food or exercise wise but I enjoyed myself IMMENSELY and even though I've had a few days since getting back on Monday that were rough mentally I'm alright. I got home and the scale said I'd gained the whole 9 lbs. I lost back in 4 days. Now I KNOW that's not possibly. I mean I ate some bad but awesome food but I wasn't eating like crazy. We flew so I know some of it, most of it is probably water weight and such from the trip. I'm going to check again on Wednesday.
We're at our new building at work and I decided to try and walk to the library. It was one of my favorite things to do during my lunch hour at our old building. It was only .5 now it's a mile each way but I threw on my walking shoes and went at it. I got there and back AND looked around the library and checked out books in only 40 minutes. THAT was freaking amazing for me. I also noticed that if I book it real good I can get over the bridge and to the Y in 10 minutes. That means I can start taking my circuit class again! YAYYYY! :D
I also found out that literally right around the other side of the building where I'm taking my stenography classes is a Y. So when I have my 1-1/2 hr. break during classes I can run over there and jump on the treadmill for 1/2 hr.
MAN! I honestly forgot how much I loved working out when I actually do it. It helps my depression so much and makes me feel so good.

WHOOT WHOOT!!!

For the passed 3 weeks since I've been taking this AMAZING circuit class at the Y during my lunch hour. It's honestly the first time since I started putting weight on 1-1/2 year ago that I've actually stuck to. So for the last 3 weeks I'd walk to the gym do class then walk back to the office.
Monday we move to a new office. One that's NOT in walking distance of the Y. It is in walking distance but I'd spend the whole time walking instead of doing my class. So today was my last day. I was super sad. Until I got on the scale. *Yeah I know most people NEVER say that.* I started out 3 weeks ago at 236, my highest since I lost 90 lbs. back in 2006. Today after 3 weeks of walking, going to classes, Jillian making me want to cry with her Shred and FINALLY paying attention to my food, REAL attention for the first time, even more than when I lost the weight before. I'm down to 227. :D :D :D :D I've lost 9 lbs. in 3 weeks. I'm so freaking proud of myself.
I started court reporting school on Monday. It's gonna be hard and I KNOW there's gonna be days I'm gonna wanna give up. I'm going to be working fulltime then go to school at night. But I love it. I love it so much.
Since I can't go to the gym anymore during my lunch hour I'm gonna use that time to walk and then on the days I don't have school I'll come home and do the Shred.
I'm so dang happy with myself even this little Smart Ones lunch tastes AMAZING. :D

Since I wrote in this blog last A LOT of stuff has happened. When I started writing I wanted to be back down to 190 by Feb.
WELLLLLLLL the good news is I haven’t gained any weight over the holiday season. The bad news is I haven’t really lost any either.
We bought a house in Dec. and that was a crazy mess.
I went to the BR doctor and he had planned to take me down to a C, which is EXACTLY where I wanted to be. BUTTTT once the insurance copy go a hold of the information they wanted me to go down to a B. I just couldn’t do that, knowing that I’d eventually get off my butt and lose the 50 lbs. I wanted to lose the weight loss would mess up the end results too much.
So here I am in Feb. not having reached my goal at all but in a completely different mindset than I’ve been in for the last 2 ½ years.
The week of Valentine’s I started going to the Y at lunch, taking this awesome circuit class. I freaking love it. I went the whole week and walked during lunch if classes were available. My eating didn’t change though. I was still eating stuff I KNNNNNEW I wasn’t supposed to. That all changed on the weekend.
Saturday afternoon me and E and my sister went for Mexican food. My stomach started acting weird afterwards but it went away. That night we were supposed to meet two of our other friends and my sister and her husband at the Brazilian steakhouse. I had the worst pain I’ve EVER experienced in the middle of my stomach. I pretty much skipped dinner and slept in my B-I-L’s car.
The next day I was feel better just beat down. We went to Cheesecake Factory and then had pizza for dinner. That night in the middle of the night the pain came back AGAIN worse than the first time. I was up all night pacing the room. I went to “sleep” in the guest bedroom so not to disturb E anymore.
It finally stopped hurting 2 hrs. before I had to get up for work. As I was getting an appointment set up at the doctor E told me it sounded like a gallbladder problem. (She’s had them before.) So I went to work and though I was exhausted I started feeling a little bit better so I canceled the appointment.
That was the 16th. Since then I’ve been eating better, cutting out A LOT of the fat and trying to eat more veggies and less junk. I weighed myself Wednesday before Valentine’s and I was 236, yesterday I was 232. I’ve been going to the gym everyday or walking at lunch and sometimes doing Jillian Michael’s 30-Day Shred after work.
I feel so much better and SOOOO much more focused. I haven’t felt this focused on weight loss since 2005-2006 when I lost my 90 lbs. I’m not going as fast as I was then and I’m fine with that. I’m setting small goals for myself.
My first goal was actually one of the goals I had last time around. I have these pair of Lee jeans that I’ve had for 10 years. I love these jeans. They’re men’s jeans so they’re smaller through the hip and waist area. I don’t even know what size they are but I want to get back into them.
I’m better off than I was, I can actually get them buttoned and zipped without lying down but they’re still too tight. By the end of March I want to be able to wear them comfortably.
For April 15th, which is two months since I started on track again I want to be down to 220 by the time I have my yearly doctor’s appointment. That’s how much I weighed last year when I went.
I can do this.