Wednesday, April 29, 2009

This week I decided to try something to see if I could get out of my rut. I didn’t quite do exercise on the weekend. We did spend all weekend cleaning the house and getting ready for guests and that did entail A LOT of running up and down the stairs so I’m totally gonna count it. I’ve done good on my food all week so far. I drop my calories back to 1200 after looking at an old written journal and seeing that my body apparently only wants to lose weight when I’m eating the LOWEST calories that’s healthily possible. Stepped but my workout game a bit also. I went to the gym today and it looks like this is the magic solution for me. I jumped on the scale real quick before leaving but I’m fairly certain it was a solid 223. I know for certain it’s no more than 224 and that’s ALL that matters. E got me going to this PEER trainer place online and she was talking to me about the emails they send out. One of them was talking about how it’s not about how much weight you WANT to lose it’s how much weight you EXPECT to lose. If you expect to never lose any or lose it then gain it back you won’t go anywhere.
I thought it was interesting because I have never thought of my weight loss like that. I’ve always expected that I couldn’t do it or it’d all come back and that’s exactly what happened. So I’ve changed my tune. I expect this to be the LAST time I lose this weight. I will NOT gain it back and by the end of the year I WILL be at 180. Also I’ll be at 220 or below by the end of May when I have to go to the doctor. I WILL start training for my C25K at the end of the year once I get to 180.
I started taking a FlexxIt class on Tues & Thurs and it kicked my butt yesterday. I didn’t feel it until I start doing my circuit class today and then I was DYING. But I got through it and I’ll be there again tomorrow. :D
I’m very proud of myself lately with food also. We went to Chili’s the other night and I had 600 calories left. E ordered chips and salsa and I wanted some. So I had some and decided what I would get for dinner to balance it out. One of Chili’s big mouth burger buns are 330!! That’s JUST the bun. I had them swap it out for one of their 90 cal. Whole wheat buns and I got black beans instead of fries. I had half the basket of chips and that was 235. By the time our dinner came out I had half the burger and a couple bites of black beans and then I was full. I wrapped the rest up and took it to work the next day and came away at 600. I was proud because it’s been A LOOOOOONG time since I was able to control myself when it came to food. When I lost all my weight before I did it like it was nothing but I got out of that and gained the weight I’m trying to get rid of now. We’re going to Bonefish Grill on Saturday when E’s friend Ellen comes to visit. I’ve already checked the website and decided on what I’m going to have, something else I used to do that worked so well before. Hopefully this is a good sign in the right direction.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Well it's been a month since I lost ANY weight. I'm not exactly sure what I did to screw myself up so bad but something has happened. I'm still stuck at 226. Though I probably shouldn't be complaining because apparently though I haven't lost any weight things have seemed to have shifted. I'm wearing a wear of 18 jeans from Old Navy that I bought when I was 10 lbs. heavier. They are literally falling off of me and I washed and put them in the dryer just last night. So maybe I've lost inches this month when I'm busting my butt at the gym instead of weight. It's weird.
Next week since I'm off of school I'm gonna try and get my weight loss going again. I'm going to fiddle with my calories and up my exercise everyday next week in hopes that I'll get something right and lose some weight.
I'm supposed to set up my annual OB visit but I don't want to go in until I've lost these six pain in the ass lbs. I was 220 last year and I'll be 220 this year DAMMIT! I'm gonna set the appointment for the middle of May or maybe the end when I have my vacation time and I can just take the whole day off to relax and do something that's not work or school related. I'm totally gonna do that. I'm gonna set up my appointment for after the 21st and then go super early then spend the rest of the day at the beach. It was CRAZY hot today. It's 89 outside and I LOVE it. It's gorgeous outside. I'm just so damned sad that I have to spend it inside this cube. :( I think I might go to Wal Mart tonight and buy a new summer exercise outfit. I need shorts that don't show off too much fat *i.e. spandex* but I need them to not show my ass when I'm in circuit class.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

My dad’s been losing weight. He’s doing REALLY good but I’m worried about the WAY he’s losing weight. I know I mentioned before that he started eating meat again. Not red meat but chicken, fish and sometimes pork. He came over for Easter and looked amazing. A week later he came over and he was even SKINNIER. But he walked into my house with an empty bag of PORK RINDS. WTF!? My dad won’t eat certain vegetables because they’re “full of carbs” but eating a bag of pork rinds is ok?! I don’t understand this logic at all.
I love my dad and I want him to lose weight but I want him to do it safely. Our family has a history of heart problems and I don’t think being on Atkins is good for your heart.
I’ve had a hard time losing weight this time. I lost 10 then plateaued because I haven’t been as careful as I should be. BUT one thing is different than any time before. I’m happy. I feel so good that when I eat more than I should I don’t beat myself up *AS MUCH*. And I don’t feel that constant NEED to overeat when I sit down to dinner. We had dinner with a friend last night and he brought dessert, a freaking truffley tart. I had a small piece and was done. I was full from dinner but not bloated full and I didn’t want anymore. He kept trying to get me to get another piece but I refused. When he left he didn’t take the tart with him. I immediately tossed it in the garbage so we wouldn’t eat any more of it. I didn’t feel guilty at all. Most of my life I’ve had a huge hang up on food and it getting wasted. I know it stems from not having a lot when we were kids. BUT I can’t let that interfere with who I am now. There’s NO logical reason to finish a HORRID calorie bomb of a dessert just so it won’t get wasted and I’m starting to come to terms with that. I feel good.
I don’t know if I lost any weight this week but I noticed today that even if I didn’t I’m sure I’ve lost some inches. I’m wearing a pair of pants that got washed last night and they’re hanging off of me. I’m pretty sure in like 5 lbs. I’ll be able to do the whole pull them off without unbuttoning them thing. PLUS I tried on my goal jeans and I got them on and zipped STANDING UP and they were the most comfortable they’ve been since I gained weight. Probably 10-15 I’ll be able to wear them regularly.
We’re having friends come from out of town next week to spend the week with us. Well one is spending the week and the other just the weekend. The big highlight of their trip will be taking them to Clark’s Fish Camp. I can BARELY describe this place to anyone it’s so crazy. E says it’s like Fight Club. You don’t talk about it to anyone, you’ve just got to experience it. So we like to take all of E’s Yankee people (I say that with love) to this place and watch their reaction.
I’ve got to try and be good while they’re here. Do my exercising and try to keep my eating from CRAZY LEVELS.
I’m off of school this coming week for Spring Break so I’m hoping that with a little more exercise and some rest I’ll be able to break the plateau. We’ll see.
I'm trying to stay sane and not flip out and start eating everything in sight. I haven't lose any weight in almost a month. I'm not sure what's going on. I know I need to be careful with what I eat on the weekends and I need to exercise on the weekends also but my weight hasn't budged at all. I don't eat THAT crazy on the weekends. Especially not even near how bad I was even 3 months ago. I don't understand it. Hopefully if I just keep pushing and watch my weekends and exercise better I can push through this and get down to damned 220. Shoot at this point I just want to lose the 2 lbs. I gained a few weeks ago.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I’ve been struggling the last couple of weeks with my food on weekends and how I deal with myself outside of my structured workweek.
I’m honestly on the go from 7 am until 10:30pm 3 days a week and the other two are spent doing homework and studying after work or trying to decompress from the hectic schedule I’ve put myself in.
I started going to the gym in Feb. one because of my gallbladder issue but also because I’m unhappy at my job. Actually unhappy is a very lenient, kind word. But we’re in the middle of a recession so I should be happy just to have a job. To make myself feel better I decided to get away from the office and go to the gym for an hour, burn off some of my anxiety and irritation and get from behind a desk and computer screen.
I started feeling better and started losing weight. Then school started at the beginning of March and I saw my weight loss go from full steam ahead to dropping to almost nothing and sometimes gaining.
When I started on Feb 17th after 3 weeks I lost 9 lbs. I started school and even though I was keeping up the same gym and eating schedule, even started trying to start the C25K, I wasn’t losing any weight or as of last week gained a few pounds back.
I love the C25K and I want to keep training for it, but I think I need to put it on hold for a while. I need to focus more on school and getting rest while still eating correctly and going to the gym during my lunch hour so I can do better in school and be rested so I’m not going crazy on the weekends like I’ve been doing.
Hopefully this will help get me back on track to losing weight like I was before.
I’m not going anywhere and I’m most def NOT quitting. I just think it’s time for me to pull one thing of a thousand off the table so I can pay more attention to the core issues that mean the most.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I'm not having a good week... AT ALL.
Over the weekend I was way off and ate too much and didn't exercise at all. I'm under a lot of stress at school and work, not to mention home. I've been good this week with food and exercise wise. Well I worked out on Monday during my lunch and ran W2D1 of C25K on Monday night but didn't work out yesterday but still ate well. I just feel really gross and stressed and blah. I don't know what to do. I'm going to my class in about 30 minutes but really I just want to take the rest of the day off and sleep. I wish I could. :( Sunday is Easter and I'm worried I won't be able to control my eating. We're having food that's healthy for my dad and everyone else but I don't know. I feel like I'm not making any progress even though I've already lost 11.5 I feel like I should be doing better. I've been going at freaking warp speed since starting back to school and I just don't know how I can possibly juggle everything better. I think part of my anxiety is because I didn't exercise yesterday and I feel all outta the loop if I'm not doing work, exercise, school, exercise all in one day. I'm crazy. I know it.

Friday, April 3, 2009

WOOT! Down 3.5 this week. Since I started exercising and eating better Feb. 16th I've lost 11.5 lbs!! I'm so excited. I'm hoping to lose another 8.5 by May 6th when we go see Wicked so I can buy a new outfit to wear. :D
On the C25K front, the first day went really well even though I was having ipod issues. The 2nd and 3rd day haven't actually happened yet. :( Tuesday we got outta class early so I didn't go to the gym and yesterday class was canceled because of the weather so I didn't go to the gym. I'm gonna go tomorrow and do day 2 before an Aqua aerobics class. I'll probably just jump right into week 2 on Monday because I've been doing this walking for exercise thing for so long that the first day was pretty easy.
I'm so excited because I've decided to set a date and run a 5k on June 13th. It's called the Run for the Pies. Lol, figures that'd be the one I'd run in for the first time.