Well I'm sitting at 201 AND the very middle of our first two week wait to see if we're pregnant. I was really stressing out this week about what I was eating and wanting to lose weight. Then I realized that HELLO I was already stressed enough and didn't need to add on to it. So I'm still hitting the gym but I'm not worried too much about what I'm eating, except making sure there's no gluten.
Am I pregnant? Probably not but I won't know for another 10 days. Until then I'll relax enjoy the thought that I am and once I get the results I'll go from there.
If I'm not I think I'm gonna kick the weight loss into high gear for the rest of the summer then start trying again once the fall comes.

Went to my annual Wed. and weighed in at 202. It's good but I'm trying not to think that after our trip to Baltimore and D.C. where I ate my way through Baltimore I gained 3 lbs. so I probably weighed UNDER 200 before. It's ok. It's cool.
We're leaving for Zumba in a few minutes. And I'm gonna keep trucking hard because we're now sitting at a month before TTC #1 and I'd like to be under 200 when we do.
E got a JOB! I forgot about that. She FINALLY after two years got a teaching job at a school she loves and a place she'll be an amazing teacher at. I'm so freaking happy for her. She'll be leaving for a month at the beginning of July just like last year.

I'm sitting at a nice solid 203.5. Not bad. Would probably be better if I didn't have dental surgery to get two impacted screwed up wisdom teeth out and the only thing I can eat is soft breads and other gluten filled crappy stuff that give me bloat. I'll take the bloat and work it off this coming week as long as my teeth stop hurting. The doctor told me on my check up Wed. that they'd stop hurting by tomorrow. Well today I woke up and immediately took 800mg of Motrin and the pain is still sitting there. My dad said it's because I keep thinking about it. I only took 1 darvocet yesterday. That's really good considering over the course of the last two weeks I've been through 60 pills PLUS motrin and tylenol. Not good. I have a filling and crown appointment on the 9th and my teeth will be all taken care of. This really has been the month from teeth hell.

Whoops.

I go three months without posting it seems. BUT the good news is I'm still losing. On Saturday I was at 203.5. Yeah yeah ooooo 3.5 in 3 months. It's not great but I'm happy with it.  I'm still losing and that's all that matters. I have 14 lbs. until I'm back where I was 4 years ago when I lost all of the weight. I was 190. I want to get back there by the beginning of May. 

June is the beginning of us trying to have a baby. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. I know if I can just make it to 190 before then if I gain at the MOST 20 during pregnancy I'll be ok. 

I'm so close to getting under 200 and I'm excited and a little bit scared. It's been 3 years since I've been under 200 and I'm trying not to keep sabatoging myself. Which I have been a little bit for the last couple of months. People have been coming to visit almost every week for the last month so I've used it as an excuse to eat, drink and have fun and not worry about losing weight, just as long as I was maintaining. BUT it's the final countdown here. I have 14 to lose by May so we can get this baby plan rolling. 

It's three days after the holidays and I just got back from my weigh in. Right before Christmas I weighed myself and I was 207. My goal for the holidays was to keep the weight off. If I lost weight OF COURSE that would be good but I just wanted to stay the same. After CRAZINESS of the holiday, the food and no exercising I'm at 207.5 :D I gained half a lbs. but that ok for sure.
I went to the bra store yesterday because they were having a B2G2 sale. I needed to be remeasured because I couldn't remember what I was last time but I knew that the 40H I was wearing was NOT effective anymore other than making my boobs look HORRIBLE. I'm a freaking 38DDD and THAT is why the bra is horrible. I can't freaking believe it. Since losing weight I've gone down 4 cup sizes. Right now at 17 lbs. heavier than when I lost ALL of my weight in 06 I'm wearing the same size 16 pants and wearing the same sized bra. If from here on out I lost all the weight in my chest I'd be happy. :D

I've been gone for almost 3 months! Things around here are CRAZY. As of today I've officially hit the 30 lbs. lost mark. I'm 207.
At the end of October I started noticing bruising ALLLLL over my body without remembering what I'd bumped into. My knees were hurting me so bad and my stomach was still acting wonky even after 4 months without a gallbladder. I started looking up my symptoms online and I kept getting Celiac disease. Thinking about all of my issues and remembering how my mom ALWAYS has stomach issues I went to the doctor. They drew SEVEN vials of blood and told me that they'd have to test for all this other stuff before they'd even test me for celiac. Since there's no actual medicine to take for gluten intolerance I just decided to eliminate it from my diet completely after my testing was done.
I have not felt better in probably my whole life. My stomach doesn't have the heavy laden feeling in it. My stomach actually GROWLS when I'm hungry. The knee pains went away and so did the bruising. I sleep better and I'm not exhausted all the time. All my tests came back negative except my B-12 being low which is a sign of celiac. But instead of getting another test done and the possibilty of having to have a biopsy done I've just decided to stop eating gluten. I've been dropping weight like crazy the last few weeks. I was back up to about 212 but without even really exercising I've been losing weight. E's going back on the Eat to Live plan after the new year and hopefully if she gets this job she's got an interview for we'll be getting a gym membership. I've got 17 lbs. to lose before I'm back to 190. After that it's all up to what time of the year it is. At the end of March I need to go into a maitenance phase because starting in June we're going to be trying for a baby. :D If I'm under 190 by April I'll be happy but even if I'm not I'll still be happy.
Everything is great and I feel like 2010 is gonna be an awesome year. :D

Cancer is a fucked up beast. It will completely wreck a person. I remember my uncle from when I was little. He was a huge tall man. He would pick us up and sling us around only the way a giant can and a child can enjoy. My brother wanted to be Uncle W when he grew up. Cancer reduced him to a frail old man before he passed on yesterday. You know what else is fucked up? People driven by money and greed. Just yesterday I was looking at a billboard and saw the Powerball was at almost 200 million. I knew I wasn’t going to buy a ticket but I thought about what I’d do with the money. 2 million to each member of mine and E’s immediate family. I’d fix up my grandma’s house and my Aunt S’s house. I also thought about getting a nurse to help my Aunt D with my grandma and a nurse to care for my Uncle W. since his wife does nothing but spend his money and make him lose his house where my cousins grew up and the business he’s owned since before I was born.

I thought these thoughts probably at the same time my Uncle was dying in his wife’s car because she’d waited too long and never called the hospital, instead deciding to take him herself at the very last moments of his life.

My mom called and told me he’d passed while I was here at work. He’s been sick for so long, more than 4 years but it was still a shock. My brain immediately started telling me that it was ok to go get some bad food for lunch today, COME ON you’re uncle just died it’s ok. Instead I went walking. It’s nice outside now and I’ve been doing so good all week. As I was walking over the bridge I saw a Crystal Water *The company my uncle recently lost* cup and smiled thinking of Uncle W knowing I’d done the right thing.

We’re going to D.C. next month for the National Equality March and we’re gonna talk to our potential donor. I’m excited and a bit freaked out that I’ve got to ask this man for help for a baby.